I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
