my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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