it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
