my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
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He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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