I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
