I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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