Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
