I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
