help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
