did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
