The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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