I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
