if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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