All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
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