im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
