I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize