He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
