a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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