she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
