Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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