as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
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Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
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Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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