My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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