So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
