i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
