i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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