Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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