just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
