i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
