I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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