i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
