I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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