I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you have to choose: penises or morals?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
