I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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