Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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