we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
