What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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