chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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