WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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