i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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