it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
