your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
