If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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