Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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