Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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