she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
