My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just found a bag of teeth...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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