he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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