Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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