When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
