i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
