There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
