I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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