Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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