why do cheetos always look like penises
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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