did you get engaged???
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
