we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
