he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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