shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
